


If We Wait, It May Be Too Late?

by Mcrtomboy



Category: My Chemical Romance, The Used
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angry Sex, Asshole Frank Iero, Character Death, Depression, Drinking, Drug Withdrawal, Drugs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/M, Feels, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inspired by Real Events, Light BDSM, M/M, Minor Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Drugs, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Touring, possibly triggers in here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-02-26 12:18:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 23,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2651810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mcrtomboy/pseuds/Mcrtomboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Franks life isn't going great after the band broke up, like he wants everyone to think. He's fighting with his own demons while worrying about his family and his relationship that's falling to pieces before his eyes. What happens when he runs into Gerard at a hotel? What will Frank do? Then there's Gerard things aren't going great for him either... Will these two be able to fix the things between them and put the past behind them or is it to late for them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. With You Comes Old Memories

**Author's Note:**

> As always any mistakes are my own. Anyways I hope you enjoy.

I groaned as I walked into the hotel last of the group, watching everyone already disappearing to their rooms, already have their card on hand while I still needed to get mine. I don’t know what was up with me, maybe it was the fight that I had with Jaima before I left for this tour or the fight we had over the phone. I groaned as I rubbed my face, shaking my head, not knowing what to do about our relationship. It seemed to be falling apart right in front of our eyes and I swear the girls even Miles could tell something is going on. I sighed loudly before shaking my head more, wanting to get sleep, food and then something heavy to drink because this is too much to deal with right now.

I stopped short when I spotted a familiar red well I could say that it was almost orange red hair but yes it was Gerard up there, checking into the same hotel as me. I cursed the heavens and whatever gods that did this to me, this was not funny at all. I thought bitterly, stepping away as I watched him, biting at my lip in frustration not ready to deal with Gerard yet. 

See the fans were right about a few things, I thought as I sighed seeing Gerard walking away from the desk. I still had feelings for Gerard, we did fight hugely when the band broke up, even much worse than when we fought over him getting married to Lyn-z and that was bad, very bad. I thought the band was going to end right there and then after we pretty much beat the shit out of each other.

Though I know why Gerard decided to end the band for now, because it was getting too much for him and well for all of us if I was being honest with myself… I mused after I made my way to the elevator, frowning at my reflection thinking about the day I found Gerard passed out and stinking of alcohol, feeling like I just jumped back into the revenge era, with him mumbling about how he wanted to give up and was tired of trying with everything. 

Which right now I beat myself up, instead of talking to him and I went to go get Mikey to talk to him about it while I left. Though could you blame me? I thought as I crashed into my room tiredly, it brought back to many bad memories for me, it was when me and Gerard was dancing around whatever we were before he got his ass out of his head though then he seem to shove it back into it during the black parade cd. I laughed tiredly at the thought of that before I knew it I was out and snoring on the bed, not realizing how tired I was or how drained I was from the day though it feels like it’s been a year that I haven’t rested.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke to loud knocking the next morning as I groaned covering my head with my pillow trying to ignore whoever was at the door, though it seemed like the knocking just kept getting louder by the second. I grunted as I got off the bed, grumbling to myself before ripping open the door not bothering to look through the eye hole though luckily for me or maybe not so lucky it was Jarrod. “Man what do you want? It’s too early and you know why I know that? It’s because I can still smell the breakfast from here. So what do you want?” I grumbled, just wanting to back to sleep while he gave me an annoyed look.

“Good morning to you too asshole, I just figured I would tell you that I ran into Gerard when I was getting for coffee and he was asking about you…” “Wait. What, Gerard knows I’m here? Are you kidding me? I cannot be dealing with him right now Jarrod, you know what happened and I would most likely punch him in the face right now with the mood I have been in.” I snapped out, not wanting to hear this first thing in the morning while Jarrod sighed loudly at me.

“Frank if you would just let me finish. I said that you were here but you were not, you are seeing some old friends here too. I also said and I quote, ‘Frank is in one of his bitch moods so I would try to avoid him, he’s pretty much punched everyone but me yet and broke a guitar too.’ That pretty much made him frown before nodding, though he wanted me to tell you that he misses you and hopes to see you before you I mean we leave. It seems to me that Mr. Way still has feelings for you Frankie boy.” Jarrod finished saying before I punched him in the arm, glaring at him before sighing loudly. “Thanks Jarrod now he’s really going to want to see me and see what is going on with me because that is how Gerard is and will always be.” I said with a loud sigh while I ran my fingers through my hair before glancing at Jarrod as he gave me a small smile.

“Well maybe you should go see him and get things off your chest Frank so you won’t be feeling like this anymore. I love you man and so do the rest of the guys but you really need to do something or say something to Gerard before one of us kills you or leaves you somewhere in a state. Don’t give me that look it might help and besides he is your friend still Frank even after all the bullshit you two went through.” He said as I sighed before nodding my head slowly, knowing that he was right that even though me and Gerard have had our fights, broke each other’s hearts and all that bullshit he was still my best friend. “Ya your right I guess, you go I need to think about all this and get dress,” I mumbled as Jarrod nodded his head before leaving me and disappearing down the hallway while I shut my door sighing loudly. “Fuck, fuck, fuck a fucking duck,” I muttered to myself before going over to my bag that I dropped in front of my bed, digging through it trying to find something to wear while I debated if I wanted to shower or not.

I gave a short bitter laugh, knowing that I was in deed falling apart if I was debating about getting a shower even though I haven’t showered in over a month or two, I figured before getting up heading to the bathroom to shower. While I showered I let my mind wonder over the years thinking about all the shit that I have went through, even more so with Gerard and the band in whole. I hated to admit it to myself but I really did miss Gerard though it didn’t mean I would be letting him in easy again. Even if that meant being an asshole to him for a good awhile then so be it, I figured as I got out of the shower before I got dress, not bothering to fix my hair.

I quickly left the room, wanting to get a few cigarettes into me before I went looking for Gerard, cursing myself for not asking the manger to trying to get me a smoking room as I head outside, frowning at the blowing wind, forgetting what state we were in. I sighed loudly before lighting up my smoke while I sit down on the bench, trying to clear my thoughts and figure out what I was going to say to Gerard or let him do the entire talking if he got to nervous. I couldn’t help but chuckle softly thinking that was one thing about Gerard that would never change that if he got to nervous, he would talk like it was no one’s worry. Before I could drift more into my thoughts and think about the good days a voice broke through them, groaning softly realizing the voice right away.

“Frankie…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any ideas on who it my be? Also please let me know what you think guys. I hope you do like, I've had this idea in my head for a good awhile. Till next time!
> 
> xoxox,  
> Mcrtomboy


	3. Chapter 3

“Frankie…?”

I blinked my eyes open and yes I was right. How could I be wrong, when it came to Gerard and even more so then his voice? I stayed quiet while I looked him over, taking in his more than usual messy hair, noticing that the black rings under his eyes seem very dark, figuring that he hasn’t been sleeping in a good awhile. I sighed softly as I stood up; looking him over, noticing that he seemed to be eating again which I was glad because I wanted to kill that idiot when I found out that he was starving himself during the Danger Days album. I notice that he was going to hug me, but he stopped, probably remembering how the last time we were together as we just stood there, looking at each other, none of us sure if one or the other should speak first.

“You really don’t seem that great honesty,” I frowned deeply as we spoke at the same time while Gerard look a bit shocked before shrugging his shoulders, trying to seem to brush it off. “Okay then, what the fuck do you want Gerard? I don’t have time to stand here all day in silence while you just stare at me like a lost puppy.” I huffed out in annoyance though it wasn’t really at him, okay maybe it was a little but it was mostly at me when I say the hurt flash through his eyes. I know I was being an asshole but I had to, I was sick of getting hurt by him even if he realized it or not. 

“Frankie…” “Don’t call me that, you lost that right to call me that when you cheated on me the third time Gerard.” I spoke lowly as I tried to seem angry though in reality I was still hurting from it but he didn’t need to know that.

“Frank I swear to god that wasn’t me. She throw herself onto me, I didn’t cheat on you that time or the second time either. Frank please don’t do this, I really care about you and I’m sorry for what I did…” He trailed off as I gave a short laugh, glaring at him while I balled up my fists. “Oh really? Are we going to have this talk again Gerard? If you really did love and care about me then why did you run off with Lyn-z? Don’t give me that bullshit that you were scared, because I don’t believe it Gerard and I don’t know why the fuck I should believe anything that comes out of your mouth!” I snapped before stomping away from him, not wanting to hear what he had to say or to see him look like he was about to cry.

I kept walking away, ignoring him calling my name because I knew that if I stopped and tried to talk to him when I was this pissed, I would end up punching him. Though there was a huge part that yes screaming at me to do it the other part was saying no that I was overreacting a bit, plus I needed to let some things go. We were both grown up and had our families of our own; I needed to forget my feelings for Gerard. I thought as I got into the elevator, before groaning lowly as I heard my phone go off, glancing down to see that it was Mikey calling me, which I was not surprised that he was calling me.

I let it go to voicemail as I walk back into my room before it buzzed at me again, showing that I was sent a text. Sitting down I opened it, snorting softly as I read it, ‘Either you answer your damn phone and stop being an ass or I won’t stop calling you.’ Before I could text back it was going off, sighing I picked it up preparing myself to get my ass chewed out by the younger Way.


	4. I'm Not Okay, I Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so heads up guys, this chapter will have a lot of triggering stuff in it. so read with care or skip it though things are going to get a bit dark and very heavy with feels. You've been warned.

“What do you want Mikey? I’m not in the mood for this okay?” I muttered when I slumped onto the bed with a loud sigh, rubbing my face with a free hand. “Really Frank, do you know what he’s been through since the band has been over? I know you’re still pissed at him and hurt but he needs you. He’s been struggling badly and Lyn-z is threatening to leave with Bandit if he doesn’t get his act together...” “Wait. What? She can’t do that to him Bandit is his world to him,” I said sitting up straighter and frowning at the thought of what it would do to poor Gerard if he lost his only daughter. I mean I was struggling with the thought of losing my kids, I couldn’t even think what is going through Gerard’s head.

“See what I mean, now I’m not saying forgive my brother and give him a big fat kiss right away but you need to start forgiving him. You two need to talk before I murder him or you because I will not lose my brother again just because of all this bullshit. Now get your head out of your ass and talk to him Iero.” Before I could comment to Mikey he’d already hanged up on me, while I groaned loudly in annoyance because good god I was not trying to be the bad guy here. Okay maybe I am a little bit I thought as I got up and left my room, starting to hunt for Gerard, trying to figure out what to say to him without turning into the angry monster Frank. I sighed to myself, missing the old days when this wasn’t so hard but then again it wasn’t easy back then, it’s always been up and down for us.

I paused in the lobby before realizing I could ask the lady at the desk I mean what’s the worse she could say was no. even then I could probably find Bert and ask him though I’ve been trying to avoid him during the tour which he seemed to be doing the same unless we really had to be together for something. I sighed before walking over to the desk and clearing my throat, happy to see that she was younger looking and stared a bit before smiling while she spoke. “I… um can I help you sir,” she asked while I cheered inside my head knowing I would be able to find Gerard easily now because she obviously knew who I was but trying to be professional about it.

“Ah yes if you could give me a spare key to Mr. Way he seems to lose his but didn’t want to ask so he sent me. I hope that’s okay, I know he’s a busy guy and I hate for him to come down here for just a key. I mean the poor thing was so beat last night, I feel bad for my babe.” I widen my eyes in shock at the slip while cursing myself about it but the girl handed over the card with easy, though knowing later my twitter and Gerard s would be blown up by fans. Well I got to make sure I tell him this I thought, heading to the second floor where he was staying at, though I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit to myself that it was more obvious to the fans that we needed to be together then Gerard. I frown while I thought trying to figure out what I would say to him when I say him and wondering what he would say to me, I mean besides earlier we haven’t seen each other since the end of the end of the tour, even then Gerard started hiding away from me again. 

I sighed before shaking my head clear of these thoughts before knocking on the door, waiting for Gerard to answer it but he didn’t come. Maybe he wasn’t here, I thought figuring that he might have went out before trying again, remembering how worried Mikey sound even though he was mainly pissed at me, I could tell that there was something going on that the Way’s weren’t sharing. So I pounded on the door harder before pushing my ear against the door trying to listen for any sounds before figuring I had a card for his room and I was going to use it, it wouldn’t be the first time Gerard will yell at me told I figured. I don’t know why I was so nerves when I push the door open, I mean this was Gerard but then that reminded me that it was Gerard and anything could happen, my thoughts spinning back to Japan during Revenge before shoving that thought away. No Gerard has not gotten that bad again sure he was struggling but not that bad, I scold myself as I step into the room though that thought was fading fast when I say it look like a bomb went off in the room.

It was horrible, there were bottles everywhere, papers, pens and colored pencils. I toke a shaky breath as I walked more into the room, feeling myself grow sick when I spotted the pill bottles spread out here and there, before freezing when I heard a faint sobbing sound coming from the bathroom. “Hello… Gerard it’s me, Mikey got me a key because he was freaking out about you. I’m coming in okay?” I said while I spoke slowly as if I was talking to one of my kids, stepping over the pillows and blankets before I pushing the door open, getting myself ready for the worse. I almost threw up at the sight when I opened the door finally seeing Gerard and realizing there and then that this was as bad as Japan or maybe even worse. I was frozen I couldn’t remove my eyes from him, it was like I was looking at revenge Gerard but with orange hair and older, I gulped softly noticing the pills besides him then the razor blade on the floor that was covered with blood. Oh god was Gerard self-harming now? I thought as I carefully kneeled besides the crying Gerard, seeming like he was off in his own world, thinking that things must be really bad if Gerard was doing the one thing he hated the most and talked out a lot against.

“Gee? Hey it’s me Frankie; it’s going to be okay Gerard. I’m going to help you, I’m not leaving you okay,” I spoke gently as I helped him up, frowning at how light he seemed and worrying that he wasn’t eating again before carrying him bridal style to the bed, figuring that he was out for the count. Though I was relieved that he was breathing slowly, before shoving the thought away, not wanting to think about the time Gerard tried killing himself because I would be waking up him right now but I made myself move away from him knowing he needed sleep. I’ll give me hell tomorrow, I thought as I tried to clean up the room, throwing away the empty bottles, freezing when I notice a white powder on the floor and that send me flying to the bathroom, gaging into the toilet. 

Oh god he was doing cocaine again, I thought weakly before throwing away the blade, not wanting to see it before burying my head into my hands while I tried to fight away these feelings and feeling my chest tighten up. Get ahold of yourself Frank, Gerard needs you right now, you cannot have a panic attack, you will yell at his stupid ass tomorrow and help him get clean again. I repeated to myself before I was able to get up and head back into the room, tiredly laid down on the bed with Gerard not caring what time it was anymore. Honestly I felt like I could sleep forever, though knowing I would need to get ahold of Mikey tomorrow I sighed softly before letting myself get pulled off into sleep world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm so sorry I haven't updated yet. hopefully you love this, let me know okay? Also what would you guys like to see happen next or think might happen next. As always thank you hanging in there with me, I'll try to update more sooner I swear.


	5. "Don't Go," He Said

I jumped awake when Gerard started thrashing in his sleep and almost knocking me off of the bed, frowning when I realized that he was having a nightmare. “Gerard wake up your having a nightmare it’s okay I’m here,” I said while I grabbed ahold of him before gently shaking him awake. I watched as his eyes darted around the room in panic before his eyes landed on me then looking away though I could have sworn I saw him blushing. I pulled away cursing myself for letting me be so close I mean we weren’t together and I would use the term of friends right now loosely. “Frank what are you doing here? I mean how did you get into my room and why are you in my bed I thought…” He trailed off as he hanged his head in shame, he must have figured out that I figured out what he’s been doing though I don’t know how long so being the asshole I was I asked him with my own questions wanting answers now.

“How about why are you doing drugs again Gerard? Or heavily drinking to add? And why the fuck are you hurting yourself!” I said though I knew my voice was rising in anger but mainly in fear because all those years of him being in bad shape come flying through my head. “What happened to the all the promises Gerard, the I will never do it again or if you started thinking about it you would call one of us? I know that you are going through tough shit but is it really worth it? Throwing away everything you fought for to get better? What about Bandit? Huh how would you think she would found out if her Dad died because he was being a self-centered asshole that didn’t care about anyone or anything that would happen from him trying to slowly kill himself!” I yelled louder knowing that I crossed the line with bringing Bandit but I wanted to see something in those eyes again besides the emptiness and the sadness the drugs caused to him. It must have worked because his head came flying up and yep I could see he was getting pissed, at whom I don’t know but I ignored the little part in me that told me to stop pushing and to comfort me friend.

“Well? Come on Gerard I want to hear a fucking answer or did the drugs finally fuck up your brain enough? Maybe it was too much of the cocaine and you don’t care anymore. You’re a fucking liar to all your friends, your fans and…” Before I could finish Gerard had tackled me out of the bed and started throwing punches at me in anger while he shouted at me, though I dodge most of them or ignoring the ones that landed listening to him talk. 

“Shut the fuck up Frank! You don’t know what I’ve been going through since the band broke up and everyone went their own ways. I’ve been struggling but I didn’t think it was that bad and besides everyone was doing their own thing, seeming happy so I didn’t say anything. Don’t you think I thought about it? Uh I thought about it every time I started to drink too much but I couldn’t stop. I was getting unhappy and Lyn-Z… I think she’s been sleeping around on me Frankie and I don’t know what to do. I really don’t love her that much but I don’t want Bandit having a life like I did barely having two parents in her life.” He choked out while he sobbed, letting his arms fall to his side before I pulled him into a tight hug feeling bad but it had to be done to get him to spill of all this, I told myself while I rubbed his back gently trying to get him to calm down since I felt like there was more that he wanted to get off his chest.

He toke a shaky breath before he stared talking though his voice sounded tired, “And I didn’t want to eat that much because I’m so stressed and the drugs didn’t help that much with that. I didn’t know what to do I mean I thought you still hate me or don’t like me anymore which I don’t blame you I’m a pile of shit. I don’t know why you here and trying to help me but thank you Frankie I mean Frank sorry I know you don’t want me calling you that.” He said though I felt my heart flutter at that and could feel the wall that I have built all those years ago starting to fall apart faster while I watched my best friend, who was I kidding I love Gerard and always will but first thing was first was to get him better, back to his old self.

“Because you’re my best friend and yes I know that you have made some really stupid choices but everyone does that in their life. I’m not going to stand by and watch you destroy yourself again Gee, I’m going to try to help you if you will let me help you.” I said softly not realizing that I let the old nickname slip but it seem to help because he smiled before nodding his head. “Ya just don’t leave me Frank, please,” he begged softly while I helped him back into the bed, seeing that he was falling asleep while we talked, making a note to ask Mikey if he knew how much Gerard was actually getting since I know he would never want to tell me.

“Don’t worry Gerard I’m not going anywhere I swear,” I said softly watching him fall asleep on his lips before carefully getting up and going out onto the outdoor balcony so I wouldn’t wake Gerard while I talked to Mikey, mentally preparing myself as I dialed his number. “We need to talk, it’s about Gerard… I think you should sit down its going to knock you off your feet if you don’t,” I said when he answered the phone while I thought here goes nothing before I started to tell Mikey everything that I had learned..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hopefully you guys like this. please let me know what you think and all my mistakes are my own or spellcheck. So be gentle if I have made some mistakes I'll try to fix them later on. Anyways kudos and comments are always welcome. Until next time guys.


	6. I'll Wait For You

“Damn it, damn it all to hell I knew something was wrong the last time I talked to him and that there was more going on than him fighting with Lyn-Z,” I sighed as I listened to Mikey while I paced about before glancing back into the room to make sure that Gerard was still asleep. “Mikey calm down listen I got rid most of the stuff and we’ll be here for a few days so I’ll try to keep an eye on him to make sure nothing bad happens, part of this is my fault so I need to fix the wrong I’ve done.” I said rather Mikey finally stopped talking while I sat down and leaded against the door with a groan, wishing that this was not happening right now.

“Then what Frank? You know that you guys won’t be there that long, he’ll be going to another city and your tour is almost over.” Mikey said while I realized that yes this was true but I was hoping he would be okay by then but that was wishful thinking since the last time it toke Gerard more than a year to be his normal self again and not being tempted to drink or do drugs. “Plus if I show up Gerard might think that you told me and I don’t want him flipping out on us though I could say I want to see him because I miss my big brother again that would only work so long.” Mikey said with a loud sigh while I got back up and stood, facing into the bedroom while I watch Gerard rest, weighing the pros and the cons of the idea that I didn’t want to go with but seeming like there was nothing else I could do or Gerard might end up dead before the tour is over.

“Well if he will let me I could stay with him until the tour is over and that way I could make sure that he’ll be okay. No Mikey listen I almost destroyed our friendship, along with Gerard and I know that it wasn’t my fault but I sure as hell helped with it. Besides I’m not happy at home and well I hate to say this but being with Gerard is helping make me happy again and not being a bitter asshole.” I said as I run my hands through my hair and deciding that my mind was made up, I would ask Gerard if I could finish his tour with him if he would let me.  


“Frank that’s a great idea and all but what will Jamia say when you call her to tell her this or are you going to wait until last minute to tell her?” ”I’ll figure that out when I get to that point Mikey, listen I need to go but go ahead and let Ray know what’s going on okay? Also tell your boyfriend I said hey,” I said before hanging up the phone not wanting to talk about my wife though anymore it felt like we were siblings that wanted to kill each other.

I shook my head as I made my way back into the room and seeing that Gerard was waking up again, letting out a loud yawn while he stretched, I couldn’t help but smile at this because he seemed happy and well it brought back of old memories when we were together. “Hey Gee… I mean Gerard you seem like you slept well,” I said while I stood in front of the bed glad that he didn’t catch the fact I called him Gee but I figured we were both not ready for that point when everything felt raw and out in the open, that the wrong move would send everything crashing to the ground. 

“Ya Frank I slept pretty good, um thanks for staying you didn’t need to do that,” he said softly while he quickly looked down which I looked away because that made my heart go racing though my brain scolded my heart. He must feel weird you two haven’t share a bed in years, there is no way that he still loves you like you do. I blinked in shock at that thought but when I really thought about it I knew it was true, don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t change things because I love my kids but I knew Gerard was the one for me and I was very much fucking screwed from this point on.

“So um Gerard I have a question and you don’t have to answer it right away if you don’t want to, also its okay to say no if you feel uncomfortable.” I said making myself look back up at him as he glanced up before nodding his head slowly, waiting for me to carry on with the question. I toke a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves, telling myself that it was just Gerard and it would be okay if he said no but that was the big issue. It was Gerard and I would probably be heartbroken if he said no and then scared out of my mind, before I could let myself think about it I shoved those thoughts away. 

”So Gerard my tour will be over soon but I was wondering if you would like it and let me stay with you, I mean finish out the rest of the tour with you if that’s okay?” I choked out, cursing my nervousness while I tried to watch Gerard’s face and see what he was thinking but of course it was blank so I stood there waiting for his answer while trying to not jump out of my skin. It seemed like forever before he opened his mouth and waited for his answer, knowing this could be a do over for us in the making or it would be the end of us...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow so what do you guys think? Frank still loves Gerard . What will Gerard's answer be? And what about their wives? Any guesses? Thank you for the love and support you guys are showing for this story. Honestly it was a talk that me and my friend had like "What would happen if Gerard and Frank ran into each other on tour after the break up?" and well this was born. Again thank you for all the kudos and comments they really do help because I know you guys are enjoying this (Or I hope) as much as I do. Until next time guys
> 
> -Mcrtomboy


	7. If I Face My Fears...

“Really Frank you sure? What about your tour though and well I know Bert wouldn’t be happy to see my face again which I don't want to cause any drama which you know I hate that shit,” he mumbled while I sighed before sitting besides Gerard. “Hey I can talk to my manager or you can talk to yours and we can do a combine tour, surprising everyone along with it. As for Bert I don’t care what he will say or think I wasn’t that happy to be touring with that asshole. I’ve either been with my guys or the guys from Taking Back Sunday so I don’t care and if he quiets because of you then that proves how much of an asshole that he still is.” I said wanting to calm Gerard's worries as I watched his face though I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking for the life of me, I needed tips from Mikey on this no emotion face shit. I thought to myself before Gerard finally opened up his mouth to tell me what he was thinking about all of this. 

“Alright if you are sure about this then ya lets try this I mean if they say no then we can keep in touch with each other and all that but I think they won’t because they’ll figure that we could add on a few more dates,” Gerard said while I nodded figuring that they would say yes or at least mine would since he didn’t care as long I didn’t break anything else, but Gerard didn’t need to know that. “Well lets go find them and talk to them then shall we,” I asked as I stood up while I waited for Gerard to get up but saw that he was still on the bed. I sighed loudly knowing that I would have to be an ass to get Gerard moving off the bed.

“Come on Way you aren’t getting any younger sitting there and either am I so why don’t you get your ass up instead of being a pussy ass chicken..,” before I could finish what I was going to say Gerard was up and off the bed while he gently shoved me aside though I could tell he wasn’t pissed at me, though he tried really hard to be at me. “Ya, ya whatever you say short shit. We’ll meet outside after we’re both done talking to our mangers alight,” Gerard asked while he pulled on his shoes and fixed his hair a bit meanwhile I was walking backwards to the door, not caring how I looked since mine has seen me at my worse already. “Alright beautiful I will see you there, it sounds like a date,” I teased before my eyes widen as I realized what I said and quickly left the room, faintly hearing Gerard shouting after me. 

What the hell am I doing? I’m flirting with Gerard already? Really Frank how much of a fucking idiot are you? You do realize that A.) you two are both married still B.) Gerard is very unstable at the moment for this cheeky flirt shit and C.) Gerard doesn’t feel that way about you anymore you idiot! I mentally shouted at myself while I walked to where the mangers room was at before pausing when I heard loud shouting which was weird, but tried to listen though before I could get my ear against the door it soon came flying open which caused me to stumble back some in surprise. 

Bert came storming out of the door and shoved me aside, grumbling about being done with this stupid tour, not wanting to deal with this stupid bullshit anymore and other things that I couldn’t make out while I watched him leave the hallway. Well maybe luck was on my side for once I thought as I waited a few minutes before knocking on the door and waited to be called in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I'm back though sorry this update is a bit short trying to get myself back into this story again and get the plot bunnies going. Thank you for sticking around for this story and hopefully I will be back to updating as normal. Anyways comments and kudos are always welcomed. (BTW does anyone possible know Frank's tour mangers name because I tried googling it fast if not I'll just make up a name.)


	8. Why Does Right And Wrong Seem So Far Away?

I sighed heavily as I was soon let into my mangers room though I could tell that he was pissed about what had went down with Bert with him pacing around the room and grumbling to himself unhappily, “What is it Frank this better be good because I got phone calls to make since Bert is pulling out of the tour.” 

“Well I ran into an old band member and friend of mine, Gerard,” I said while he paused and looked at me curiously knowing very well who Gerard is since I might have bitch about Gee once or twice when I was shitfaced. “Anyways we talked and Gerard would like to join the tour as long as he gets the okay from his manger though I figured I would have to check with you about this,” I explained while I watched him think about it before nodding. “Alright Iero you've got it but if personal stuff between you two start messing with the tour then I’m pulling the plug on this thing. Am I understood?” He asked while I nodded my head though on the inside I was overjoyed that he agreed to this. 

“Now go I need to make some phone calls and get a hold of Gerard’s manger to see what all we can do with this,” he said while I nodded and made my way to the door. “Oh and Frank don’t fuck this up I think this is faith giving you a second chance,” he said before dialing his phone and putting it to his ear while I left knowing that he was talking about Gerard more than the actual tour. Though I couldn’t help but grin and soon went off to find Gerard to tell him the good news also I wanted to know how things went for him with his manger.

Though I stopped when my phone started going off and I pulled out to see that it was Jamia, shit I forgot to call her back. I groaned before I answered the phone and tried to sound happy to hear from her, “Oh hey baby look I’m sorry for not calling you back right away but,” before I could finish talking she was trying to talk over me. “You forgot Frank? Really how could you forget to call me of all the people you know? To busy getting your ass drunk and forgetting about your family again or you trying to cheat on me again…” 

“Wow, Jamia slow the fuck down okay? God seriously you need to chill and let me explain okay instead of trying to jump down my damn throat,” I butted in not wanting to hear her accusing me of these things and the bullshit that she was yelling at me about.

“Okay the reason is that I ran into Gerard and let me finish before you start jumping to conclusions again okay? Anyways I thought I would try to talk to him and try to make peace with him, well I… I found him bleeding in his bath tub and oh god Jamia he tried killing himself,” I choked out though trying not to cry at the memory and reminding myself that Gerard was okay. 

“Really Frank that was all? Why do you always have to watch out for him? You’re not his damn babysitter! You need to focus on us, your family and not that mess that you call your friend.” She snapped at me over the phone while my grip on my phone tightened trying not to say anything I would regret later but she was pushing my last button. I tried to breathe calmly and started to get ready to explain but before I could I spotted Gerard down the hallway.

“Sorry baby I got to go. Tell the kids I love them and miss them very much, we will talk later,” I said before hanging up on her and quickly made my way over to Gerard while trying to push Jamia’s words out of my head. “Hey Gee! How did it go with your manger,” I asked him once I was beside him and he gave me a huge grin. “Great she loves the idea and your manger just called her before I left so they started talking about it though I didn’t stick around along to listen to them. Hey you okay,” he asks gently and led us to the food court of the hotel.

I sighed heavily before sitting down at one of the tables with Gee while I shook my head no, knowing better that I couldn’t lie to Gerard about this and it would bite me in the ass sooner or later. “Okay so me and Jamia have been fighting a lot lately which is the main reason I started this tour was to get away from her. I mean I hate leaving the kids behind but I couldn’t take the screaming matches anymore and I was getting tired of fucking up my hands each time I punched something,” I explain while Gerard nodded knowing my temper very well with us spending so many years together. “Can I ask what started all of this,” he asked while looking at me which I looked away.

“Because we married when we found out she was pregnant, okay? I mean I thought I would have fallen in more with her but that didn’t happened but I went through the moves of trying to be a good husband. Don’t get me wrong I do not regret my kids at all but how it happened well that I do sort of regret because it really wasn’t out of love but of ‘okay I got to do this thing,’ you know what I mean.” I asked after I finally looked up back at Gee how was nodding his head but looking at me with a sad face.

“I understand 100 percent Frank… Frank can I be honest with you and you promise not to get too pissed off,” he asked while I nodded my head though looking at the other with confusion. 

“Well… Okay I ended up marrying Lyn-z out of fear because of what was happening between us and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship though obviously I almost ruined it so many times. I was planning to leave her honestly but then Bandit happened and well I didn’t want to leave because of her. So I stayed and hoped that my feelings would grow more for Lyn-z but they didn’t… Which I think she’s cheating on me now and I’m not as upset about it but I think I’m more upset on what I missed with us. What I’m trying to say Frank is I miss you and I miss us, which I would like to try to give us a chance.” Gerard explained carefully while my brain spin with everything that he told me and I could faintly hear Gerard saying my name but the blood rushing in my ears was getting too much for me. 

“I got to go Gee I’m sorry but this is too much for me to talk in right now,” I explained and quickly got up though I wasn’t running away I could feel my temper start to rise while I could hear Gerard follow after me. I bite my lip hard to keep myself from shouting at him and saying all the angrily thoughts that I had going on in my head. How I wanted to tell him how stupid he was and that he almost killed us both but then again if anyone was to blame too it was me. If I hadn’t been so stupid and knocked Jamia up we probably would not have been in this mess. I groaned loudly and slumped in front of my door while hiding my face against my knees which soon I started to cry. I was sick of this bullshit it wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t I have best of the both of the worlds? Why was the world so mean? I must have been shouting this because Gerard was gently agreeing with me while he helped me into my room. I eventfully cried and shouted my voice hoarse because the next thing I knew I was falling asleep with Gerard running his fingers through my hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think. As always I hope you enjoy the story and thank you for your support.


	9. Of Course The Way Things Have Gone It Might Be Smarter To Just Cash Out

I soon woke the next morning to the smell of smoke and coffee which I sat up quickly though groaned loudly as my head spin from the moving too fast. “Ah good your up,” I heard Gerard say and I looked to where his voice was coming from, seeing where the smoke was coming from since he had a cigarette in his mouth. “What happened to no smoking,” I asked though knowing I couldn’t put off what happened yesterday for too long but I wasn’t ready to talk about it just yet. “Well me trying to quiet it wasn’t working out well at all and I figure that with this it would at least kill me slower besides I’m not smoking much as I use too,” he said with a shrug before coming back inside after he finished up his smoke.

“I did get you coffee though I didn’t know if you were up to eating when you woke up,” he said while he handed over the coffee cup which I happily took and sipped from it though my brain was going a million miles per minute. “Frankie please say something,” Gerard asked softly while he sat beside me and I sighed loudly before setting down the drink to rub at my face. “Okay so let’s say this does work out then what Gerard? Ask our wives for divorces and have to fight for the kids? I don’t know if I could do that Gee or put our kids through that,” I said softly cringing at the thought about how nasty it could turn out if that happened.

“I know Frankie I don’t want to do that either but I don’t want to keep being with someone who seem to fall out of love with me and I can’t keep doing that to Bandit either, she’s smart Frankie she can tell that something is going on. So yes I will go through it though I have a feeling that when I get back she will be the one to hand over the papers and well…” He paused and sighed heavily while I watched him knowing that he wasn’t down with his thoughts but was trying to figure out to word it.   
“Honestly I don’t think she would fight for Bandit that much I mean she loves her to death but she hates the mom part you know? Another thing why I was so stressed when Bandit was so young because I’d have to fight with Lyn-Z to help me because she freaked out the first time Bandit got sick on her. So I double that she will fight to keep Bandit all to herself but she might ask to see her here or there,” he said softly before sipping out of his coffee while I stared at him. 

“Sounds like you have been thinking about this a lot honestly,” I said softly after I let everything soak what he said and got me thinking about what Jamia would do if I brought her divorce papers. Who was I kidding? I wasn’t fouling myself because I knew in my heart that me and Gee would get back together soon or later, it seem like the universe wanted us together and would keep trying until we got it right. I glanced up to see that Gerard was moving around the room, I guess he figured I needed to think about this because let’s be honest I only thought about leaving Jamia once or twice but there was a part of me that kept hoping things would get better.

Sadly they were not and I sighed loudly before setting my coffee down before going outside to smoke while trying to get my thoughts together better. Jamia would probably wouldn’t care about the divorce papers with how much fighting that we have been doing and that I think that she might be sleeping around behind my back though I don’t know what she would do about the kids. Since she didn’t seem to mind that much to take care of them but then again she would drop them off a lot at either her parents place or at my parents place though that has slowly stopped with my dad in and out of the hospital. So I had a feeling that she would asked for a share custody though I would feel bad about having to move the kids back and forth between us. “Fucking hell,” I cured loudly before resting my head against the railing wishing this would be easier.

I wasn’t surprised when I felt Gerard’s arms around my waist and I moved back sinking into his warmth since there was a chill in the air, “I know Frankie I wish this would be easier for all of us.” He said softly as I straightened up and threw my cigarette away before facing Gerard. “I know but hey we’ve been through some tough shit already and we’re still here maybe a bit scarred but still standing,” I said with a small smile as I looked up at Gerard while he gave a small chuckle. “True you’ve got a good point,” he said though he seemed more focus on me and before I could talk myself out of it I leaned forward and kissed Gerard on the lips.

It was everything I remember and more though this time it was more coffee taste to his lips with just Gerard to it, which he seemed to be taking better care of his lips too since the last time we have kissed. Though before we could get carried away with the kiss we both pulled away with a soft pant while Gerard looked at me with a shocked look and I quickly pulled away realizing what I had just done. 

“Don’t you dare fucking run away from me Frank, that’s one thing that needs to stop, okay? I know your fucking scared but so am I and so I’m begging you to please talk to me, not the asshole you either.” He said softly while he finally let go of my arm and I sighed heavily knowing he was right but hey old habits die hard.

“I know Gee and I’m sorry but I actually need to go though. I got practice today and I got to call Jamia because I caught our phone call short which I want to hear my kid’s voices,” I said softly missing them so much right now and they always seem to put a smile on my face no matter what. 

“Okay Frankie but I will see you later and we will talk about this okay,” Gerard said as I nodded though I ignored my coffee that he made for me and quickly making my way out of his room, knowing that I was running away again but that kiss didn’t fucking help me at all. What the hell am I going to do? I wasn’t fulling myself anymore and I don’t think I was with Gerard anymore, I was still deeply in love with Gerard and I wanted to be with him even if it could fuck up both of our lives. “Fuck,” I cursed loudly though stumbling and running into a face that I was hoping that I wouldn’t see until the tour.

Jamia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yup that happened, any thoughts or ideas what might happen next? Also I wanted to thank you guys so much for the love this story has gotten, I honestly thought that this little idea would grow so much and be loved so much. So thank you guys I cant begin how much it makes me smile. Anyways thank you and I hope you've enjoyed this update, until next time guys.


	10. Cause I Hate The Look That's On Your Face

“Oh um hey baby what are you doing here,” I asked in a shock tone while she glared at me with her arms crossed over her chest. “Because you weren’t answering your phone or nothing so I left the kids with your mom because I need to talk to you Frank and now,” she said while my heart sunk some at the tone of her voice though I nodded knowing that I would have no way getting out of it. “Okay do you want to go back to my room so we can talk,” I asked while she sighed heavily. 

“Frank look okay we both knew this was coming and there is no need to avoid this any longer. I want to leave you. I am not happy with you and I honestly wish I would have never gotten pregnant or I wouldn’t have to stay with you all these years. I fall out of love with you and I want a divorce with you now. I don’t want to wait until you are down with your stupid tour. You can keep the kids for all I care I want to live my life and I very much don’t want you in it anymore,” she said as she pulled out the paperwork while I stared at her in shock.

“Wait. Are you fucking kidding me? You left the kids with my mom even though you know my dad is back in the hospital again and to fly out here to just divorce me? You couldn’t fucking wait really Jamia? I have to go home and get the kids, they can’t stay with me!” I shouted feeling my temper go over the top while she just stared at me, seriously what did I see in this fucking bitch in the first place? “Well it’s not my fault now because I signed the paperwork and I just need yours,” she said as she shoved it into my chest with the pen before I signed it not wanting to see her anymore.

“There now get the fuck out of my life,” I said angrily though I was fighting back the tears of hurt and the panic of what to do now because I couldn’t drop the tour even if it was almost over. I shook my head and grabbed out my phone texting the guys that something came up but I’d be at the practice as soon as I could but I needed to calm down plus talk to my mom. “Mom hey it’s me how are you,” I asked as she answered while I leaned against the outside wall and pulled out my smokes. “Hey baby and I’m doing well, the kids say hi,” I heard them in the background while I couldn’t help but smile. 

“Though what’s wrong honey you sound upset,” she asked while I sighed and sat down looking at the people in front of me. “Well I don’t know if Jamia told you that she was coming here or not but she pretty much called it quits with me mom. She’s leaving and never coming back nor does she want anything to do with the kids. Mom what am I going to do? I don’t want to leave the kids with you with everything going on but I can’t leave the tour and I don’t know what I’m going to tell them when she doesn’t come back home.” I got out before taking a huge drag from my cigarette while I heard my mom gasp in surprise.

‘”Oh Frankie sweetheart I’m so sorry that she did this to you and the way that she did it. Listen don’t worry about me and the kids okay? The tour is almost over but if it makes you feel better you can come and get them when you come to Jersey okay? Do you want me to try to talk to them or do you want to talk to them,” she asked while I thought about it though I wanted to hear my kid’s voices right now I was still too full of emotions that they would notice that something was up. “Can you talk to them please but don’t tell them what happened and that I love them very much but I can’t talk right now since I got to go play music please?” 

“Of course Frankie I can do that for you, you go try to calm yourself down and try to get over her okay,” my mom asked while I nodded but remembering that she wasn’t actually here. “Okay thank you mom, you’re the best. I’m sorry but I do actually need to go but tell the kids I do love them and I love you too, thank you again.” 

“Of course baby that’s what I’m here for you’ll get through this Frank, I love you too,” she said before hanging up while I sighed and stuffed my phone away. Well know what, a little voice in my head and I groaned not knowing what to do but knowing I had to go meet up with the guys which was the only thing that made me get up off the ground. This was such a big mess I thought as I finally got to the practice room before pushing away the thoughts of what happen and let myself get sucked into the music for now, knowing that I would have to deal with the questions once I told everyone that Jamia left me and that I didn't care that she did either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ya that happened. Poor Frank and ya sorry I'm making Jamia into a bitch I know she's a sweetheart but for this story she's got to be the evil one and the same with Lyn-Z. I'm just saying this so no one thinks that I hate them because I don't. Anyways let me know what you guys think and as always thank you for the love you show for this story.


	11. Isn't It Obvious I'm A Wreck

It seemed like hours flew by before I finally able to get away from the guys and was hoping to hide in my room before I could go looking for Gerard but was sadly stopped by my manger, with an unhappy look on his face. “Frank would you like to explain what the fuck is this,” he asked holding up his phone as my stomach stuck seeing what was on his phone, it was a video reading ‘Ex guitarist leaving wife?’ I watched the video and thanked whoever tried recording it didn’t get what we were saying but it was pretty obvious from the video that we weren’t happy with each other. 

“Okay so Jamia showed up pretty much saying that she was leaving me and didn’t want the kids anymore, that she left them with my mom. I ended up flipping you know what is going on with my parents,” I paused as he nodded his head and didn’t look as annoyed now but sad for me which I ignored. “So we ended up fighting like we usually do and pretty much told her to get lost,” I explained with a heavy sigh wanting to now get a drink but had a feeling that would not be the case. “Well Frank we need to do damage control because if we don’t then everyone will side with her and think you’re a huge asshole…” “Which why would that be shocking to anyone because I usually am but okay lets do this so I can get drunk and hide away,” I grumbled as I followed him back to the recording room as he pulled out the web camera that we would us.

“Okay Frank I am ready for you whenever you are,” he said nodding to the flashing light while I gave a heavy sigh before nodding a bit. “Okay so hey guys it’s me Frank and those that don’t know who I am, I’m the lead singer of Frnkiero Andthe Cellabration also used to play for My Chemical Romance but I got something important that I need to tell you guys. So if you guys haven’t seen it yet but there is a video out there of me and Jamia fighting now before you judge me because of it, hear me out.” I paused and let out a heavy sigh, running my fingers through my hair, “Me and Jamia have been fighting for a while now honestly, to the point we were both miserable, saying things that shouldn’t have been said to each other. Now I was hoping things would work it out and things would get better after Miles was born but sadly I was wrong. It seem liked the fighting got worse and Jamia kept leaving the kids at either my parents’ house or hers because she was tired of taking care of them which I understand with me being on tour but it was getting to the point I would go to the store that I would come home and find the kids not there.” I paused as I looked down at the tattoo that I had gotten for her and wish I could just burn it off right where I sat but I cleared my throat trying not to get emotional, 

“Sadly I think we fall out of love at some point of our relationship and don’t get me wrong I still love Jamia but it will take me a good time to get use to this and how things ended between us. I won’t go into details but yes we are done and Jamia is allowed to see whoever she wants so please don’t bash her for it. As for me? Well I will just try to focus on my life, family and music for now while trying to heal emotional since you guys know it’s been rough year for me. I want to thank all of you for your love and support that have been cheering me on from day one as for those of you think I am still an asshole then fine so be it. Though please leave my family and friends out of your mouth, you can attack me or call me whatever you want but they have done nothing wrong. Thank you guys and can’t wait to see some of you at the show over the weekend,” I said before standing up as my manger shut off the camera.

“Frank...”

“I don’t want to hear it man,” I said storming past him and heading straight to my room, ignoring him as he called after me while I let the door slam behind me. I groaned as I looked at my phone seeing that I got a message from everyone and almost a missed call, “Well I guess everyone seen that video.” I muttered before throwing my phone at the bed and making my way over to the mini fridge pulling out a beer. Though before I could opened it there was a knock at the door and I groaned softly but didn’t answer it hoping whoever was there would go away while I drink quickly, wanting to try to forget tonight. I groaned louder as whoever was at the door would not stop knocking and went over with another bottle in my hand.

“Look I said I was okay and I just want to be alone right now…”  


“You don’t look okay Frankie,” Gerard said in a soft voice as I focused on his face looking at me with sad eyes while I sighed heavily before stepping aside to let him in. “Fuck Gee I,” I couldn’t finish as the tears broke free and I broke down sobbing while he pulled me close into a tight huge as I tried to catch my breath though it was hard because it was those ugly kind of sobs that you found out you lost one of your kids or someone that meant the whole world to you. “It’s okay Frankie come on you got to breath for me please,” Gerard said gently while he rubbed my back as I toke in a deep breath before letting it go, feeling my lungs rattle some with it.

Somehow we ended up on the bed as I wiped away the tears and the snot while Gee waited for me to get ahold of myself which I guess if it was anyone that I could talk to about this would be him since he knew when to push and when not too unless he wanted me to spill right away but would causing me to get pissed off in the end. “What the fuck are you doing here Gee? Maybe I want to be alone.” I said trying to be an asshole and seeming like nothing was wrong also I didn’t want to tell him about how Jamia left me the way she did.

“Come on Frank don’t do this shit. I know what happened I saw that fan video and then I got a tweet about the video that you posted explaining what happened to you and Jamia. What happened Frank because I will not go the nothing happened shit and I am not leaving until you tell me or until I know you are somewhat okay. I’m not going to leave you alone so you can drink yourself to death Frank, I’m here for you even if you don’t want the help.” Gerard said in his ‘I’m not going to back the fuck down until I get what I want’ voice which I knew it was pointless but it was worth a shot to try to make him go away.

“Fuck off Gerard okay? You saw the video so I think you would know what happened and I don’t want to go into details about it. So why don’t you go away and go enjoy having a relationship unlike me,” I snapped and shoved him hard causing him to fall off the bed. “Frank you fucker I’m trying to be nice and understanding here to you but you are being a fucking five year old asshole,” he snapped while he get back onto the bed before pinning me onto the bed. I looked up in surprise before trying to bucking him off of me. “Get off of me you fucking asshole,” I shouted trying to get him off of me but realizing soon that it was pointless because Gerard was still stronger then me even these years later.

“No now talk Frankie I’m not getting off of you until you do,” he said and I finally caved because I was tired of fighting, tired of hiding everything from everyone, not even Jamia knew everything that was wrong. So it all came spilling out about how me Jamia ended up breaking up, how I wasn’t that surprise but still hurt about it even though I should have seen it coming a mile away. I ended up telling him about my dad which no one knew about how bad he was doing even though Jamia knew that he kept doing into the hospital. At this point Gerard had gotten off of me and pulled me close to his chest while he wiped away the tears that were falling from my face.

“God Frankie I’m so fucking sorry I had no clue…” 

“Because I didn’t want anyone knowing about it honestly and there was a part of me that kept hoping that he would get better soon but it doesn’t seem like it. Which I hate doing this but part of me wants to cut the tour short to go home and see him, I mean sure he wasn’t there much as I grew up but he’s still my dad ya know,” I said softly as I felt Gerard nodding his head because if anyone knew the pains of having divorced parents it was Gerard and Mikey.

“I know Frankie but I don’t think he would want you to do that and besides there isn’t that many shows left plus we will be going to Jersey for one of the shows so we can I mean you can go visit your dad when we get there,” Gerard said softly while I nodded though today’s events was catching up to me since I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open but I didn’t miss the part when Gerard said ‘we’. “Sure Gee and you can come with me if you want,” I mumbled as I grabbed onto him hoping that Gerard wouldn’t leave. I couldn’t remember the last time I was held like this and not feeling alone as I started to drift off to sleep. I faintly felt Gerard lay us down and him trying to remove himself from me but I cling on tighter onto him, “Please don’t go.” I whispered before closing my eyes tightly thinking that he wouldn’t stay and probably laugh at me.

“I won’t Frankie, I’m never leave you again I swear,” he whispered softly feeling his hold tighten onto me, almost saying it was a protective hold as if he was ready to keep me safe from everything that this world that would through at me or that could have just been my drunk, tired brain over reacting to the hold as I finally let myself fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry I haven't updated this for a bit. Trying to blanace a lot of stuff at the moment. Anyways what did you guys think? Also should I skip ahead a bit to in the future some for the story or keep up the slow build so to speak? Let me know because you guys ideas and such are always a big help. As usually thank you for reading this and feel free to leave a kudos/comment. 
> 
> Until next time guys.


	12. We're Better Off This Way...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so slight warning for this chapter, there is talks about drinking heavily, suicide and thoughts about starving one self along with some other triggering stuff. So please tread lightly if you find any of this stuff trigging or if you are going through any of this stuff.
> 
> (If you are stay strong guys, it'll get better, I don't know you and you don't know me but i'm cheering you on in this crazy ride called life.)
> 
> With that enjoy the story.

I woke sometime later the next morning but I wasn’t sure what time it was since the curtains covered the little sunlight that was trying to come in though I figure it was late since Gerard was gone. I groaned loudly and sat up slowly wincing at the pounding headache while I thought about what happened last night before shaking my head. “Get ahold of yourself Frank unlike you he is still married and besides you need to take things slow even though he cuddled me to sleep. Fuck I’m so screw,” I muttered while I rubbed my hands against my hands. I eventually got up and ignored my phone noting how many notifications it had but let my eyes focus on the note Gerard left for me.

‘Hey Frankie sorry I didn’t stay around for you to wake up but you looked like you needed the sleep badly. So text me when you’re up and yes it is still the same number but I wrote it down for you just in case you forgot it, though I doubt it. Oh I got a small show today your welcome to come and watch since my manger and yours wasn’t able to squeeze you in. it’s later on today at the little show house that you’ve played at I mean I doubt you will have a hard time find it. Look I’m really sorry for what happened but I am here for you okay? No matter what happens from here now on out I’m not running away from you, you don’t deserve that. Hell I don’t know why you still want me after all these years but I’m not going to shove you away. I know things won’t be perfect but I think things will work out this time for us. Maybe we can get our happy ending too. I should stop before this becomes a four page thing. So I… I’ll see you later okay?

-Gee’

I chuckled softly at the note thought I tried ignoring how my heartbeat picked up some at what he wrote and almost wrote, figuring that he was going to put that he loved me but changed his mind on it. Which I was glad because I don’t think I could handle that right now even though part of my heart screamed for him and the other was morning the loss of Jamia without her being in my life now, with wanting to do nothing with me or our kids. Which hurt the most I didn’t know what I would tell them, thankfully Miles was still young enough that he wouldn’t notice but the girls would and they were too smart for their own good.

I shook my head trying not to think about that right now and grabbed my phone since it wouldn’t stop beeping at me, glad that most of it was stuff about my twitter account but groaned when I saw that Mikey and Ray both called multiple times. “And looks like there’s a voicemail too,” I mumbled before playing it figuring that I either listen to it now or Mikey wouldn’t give up. “Frank it’s me Mikey I know what happened and I have talked to Gerard already about it then today Ray. We’re coming to see you, you need all the support you can get right now and I feel like you need your friends the most right now. See you when we get there Frankie,” the messaged soon ended and I sighed closing out of the voicemail. 

“Gerard I’m going to kill you when I see you. I would have like for warning bastard,” I muttered to myself but wasn’t that upset about it while I made myself get dressed. “Think Frankie it could be worse it could be your mom coming to see you instead,” I said before shaking my head at that and sighed making myself leave my room though I wanted to just hide in it until we had to leave for the next show. I didn’t know where I was going if I was being honest with myself I just wanted to try to clear my thoughts but sadly had no clue how. Sure I could go get drunk but I didn’t want to miss Gerard’s show and I wasn’t that young anymore no matter what I thought even with each day I would wake up and feel the faint pains of getting older.

“What the hell I’m going to do...” 

“Well you can stop talking to yourself and looking like a lost puppy then come over here to say hi to us,” I looked up when I hear Mikey’s teasing voice and couldn’t help but smile some, going over to give him a hug then Ray. “Hey guys you look great though I wish I was seeing you two for a different reason,” I said while I noticed Mikey rolled his eyes. “We were going to come anyways. Wanted to surprise you and Gee, but with what happened it made us come sooner, plus I figured I would tell you with not knowing how you were emotionally right now,” he said with a shrug.

“Well thanks for letting me know that you guys where coming because honestly I need a friendly faces right now and kind of sucks that Gerard is off getting ready for his show later on, which I’m surprise my manger isn’t calling me to come practice but I think he wants to give me a break.” I said with a shrug but didn’t want to really think about that at the moment and wanted to focus on my friends that I almost lost because of bullshit.

“Come on lets go get food and we can talk about crap if you want,” Mikey said as I nodded and followed after the two, glad that I had them here or I’d have cave, going to the bar then regret it later because sadly I’m not as young as I wish I was when I would go out and get wasted. “Stop that I can hear you thinking from over here and I’m not a Way,” Ray teased while I snorted and rolled my eyes, remembering those days, some point during an older tour we would tease that the Ways could tell when we were thinking about something serious or something was bugging one of us.

“Hey I’m right here asshole,” Mikey said as I started to laugh and finally relax, worried that things would be weird between us since the break up and haven’t been that nice to Mikey the few times we did talk, making myself grimace at the memory. Hopefully Mikey hadn’t told Gerard any of the stuff I said to him or Gerard would beat my ass because honestly I would too. I didn’t have the right to say those things to him, angry or not. “Hey Mikes I know this is over do and you probably already forgive me but I’m sorry for being an asshole to you and saying the shit to you that I did.”

“Which time is this then Frank? You’re kind of an asshole all the time but that’s okay because I love you,” Mikey said laughing as he opened the door for us and I rolled my eyes while I shoved him. “Hey kids fight nice,” Ray said laughing as he got us a seat and I sat down with them, shaking my head though I couldn’t stop grinning until I remember why I was apologizing to Mikey. 

“Mikey you know what I am apologizing for but okay fine I’m sorry for being an asshole to you about the whole cheating thing, which if I knew the details I would haven’t said the things that I did and I’m sorry for not being there for you like I should have been. I didn’t know that things were that bad for you again and that girl was fucking using you,” I growled some in anger while I balled up my fists while Mikey gave me a small smile though I could see the sadness still lingering in it. “Frank its okay I have already forgive you about it okay? Don’t worry about it besides I’m happy now and well I’m getting married soon. I mean I wish I could have gone back in time and done things right, talk to Alicia and trying not to hide things behind her back then have it blow up in our faces. Sure I could blame the drugs and the booze but mostly I got to blame myself because I knew I should have man up once I’d gotten out of therapy, instead of thinking things would got better between us.” Mikey explained while I nodded and gave him an understanding smile, realizing that Mikey went through the same shit as I almost, as well as his brother though I wouldn’t be surprise if Alicia cheated back because honestly I didn’t like the girl from day one.

“So enough about me because I’m finally happy and doing great, this is about you Frank. So spill how are you really doing?” Mikey asked once Ray ordered for us since we were too busy talking to each other. “Also don’t give us that you’re handling things okay because it’s very obviously to us that you are not Frankie,” Ray said gently while I nodded and sighed looking down at my hands, glaring at the tattoo that had Jamia’s name on it but still feeling mostly sad about this no matter how hard I tried to be mad. “Also I know how you are and won’t tell Gerard everything because you don’t want to upset or overwhelm him plus I know there are things that you rather not talk to him about.” Mikey explained and I nodded knowing that they weren’t trying to push me into talking but I knew I needed to do it for my own good.

“Okay so first things first I guess is I still love Gerard I mean I guess you guys already figured that already but it’s like we never broke up, ya know? Hell I almost said I love him and it’s like he wants to take things slow which I want too also since well he’s still with Lyn-Z. Also it doesn’t help that my wife well I guess I should say Jamia left me, like I almost pulled my ring back on this morning without thinking about it but I stopped and carried on with my routine.” I paused and sighed loudly while I rubbed my face hard before looking up seeing that Ray looking concerned while Mikey stuck to his poker face look. 

“I’m worried about my kids I don’t know what I’m going to do or say to them once I see them and thank god my mom is trying to cover for me. Though I think the girls will know something is up because their at that age that nothing gets past them even though they are still so young and Miles will want to know where Mommy went too but knowing why she isn’t there or understanding why she isn’t home anymore. I mean what am I going to say to them? It was hard for me when my parents split and I was like in my teens when that happened. I also feel like it’s going to be what I went through barely seeing my dad until I got older and made myself look for him ya know?” I explained with a sigh while they nodded though already knowing that I hunted down my dad multiple times because I wasn’t going to let him disappear out of my life.

Before I could carry on the lady came back with our foods and asked if we wanted more water to drink before leaving us alone again while I stared down at my food, not sure if I wanted to eat now. “Frank you need to eat,” Ray said gently noticing that I wasn’t diving into my food which I nodded, not needing to go back to very bad old habits of mine even though there was a part of me that screamed not to eat, to drink until I couldn’t think straight then let myself die. No, I shook my head trying to get these thoughts out of my head as I started to eat. Damn it Frank get ahold of yourself, you’re not a teenager anymore and you’re not in your twenties anymore either. You have fucking kids that just lost their mom without knowing it and they can’t lose you either, besides do you realize what that would do to everyone else? Gerard would be so lost without you…

“Frank? Frankie? Frank!” 

I jumped and looked at Mikey before looking down, realizing that I was squeezing my fork too hard and let it drop before covering my face letting out a sound I couldn’t describe if I had too but sounded like a dying whale to me. 

“God guys I’m a fucking mess. I think I need to cancel the rest of my shows I know there isn’t that many left and I don’t want to do that to my fans. I know how upset they be but I know they would understand but I think I need to be home. Being away from my kids isn’t helping with these dark thoughts I’m having and sure Gee is helping but doesn’t mean he’s going to be there for me 24/7, he has his own stuff to do. If I’m being honest I don’t trust myself being alone and yes I sound like I’m quoting Fall Out Boy here, don’t give me that look Mikey but my depression is getting worse guys.” I paused to gasp for breath feeling myself borderline panicking while Mikey looked like he was getting ready to call Gerard and Ray looked like he wanted to hide me away from everything.

“Frank maybe…”

“Guys I need to tell you this I know you knew that something is up with my dad right? He was in and out of the hospital? Well he’s back in it and well he’s dying… I didn’t want to tell Gerard how bad my dad is but I don’t know how much longer he has and I think I need to be there with what family I have left,” I said softly. I glanced up over them seeing Ray frowning and looking at me sadly while Mikey looked at me with an understanding look.

“Do you want me to tell Gee that you can’t make it to the show tonight? That something came up,” Mikey asked while I nodded my head, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to hide it from Gee if I told him something was going on or knowing him, he would try to come with me back home. “If you could that would be great and I’m sorry guys but I need to go I know you understand, it was great seeing you guys. Thanks for listening to me and being here for me,” I said while I got up and before I knew it both of them were hugging me tightly. 

“Of course Frankie. Now please try not to shut us out again okay? We do care for you and we are here for you alright,” Ray said while I nodded too choked up to say anything but hugged him back tightly. “Ya you better answer your phone Frank or I will come back to Jersey to find you,” Mikey said once he let me go and I couldn’t help but laugh some though there was dread still lingering in the back of my mind. “I will, I will. I’ll text you guys once I land,” I said before pulling away and leaving the restaurant before I broke down crying, feeling it coming on like a tornado that was going to destroy a small town.

The next few hours where a blur to me if I had to retell it to anyone I thought as I buckled in for my flight back to New Jersey. I remember telling my tour manger that I couldn’t go on and to figure out something for the fans that the shows that would be canceled though thankful that he knew what was happening in my life. I sighed and closed my eyes tightly fighting back the tears, remembering I went to Gerard’s room since I still had his key for it. I left it before leaving a note though I knew Mikey would kill me once he got wind of what I left Gerard.

‘Gerard don’t follow me back to Jersey. Better yet just forget about me. Try to fix things with Lyn-Z and if not then focus on Bandit, she needs you the most right now like I will focus on mine along with my family. You deserve better than me and I hope you find the one that will make you happy, unlike me that causes a rollercoaster of emotions. 

I guess this is goodbye Gerard. 

Take care.

-Frank’

I bite back the sob that wanted to break free thinking about I let go of the greatest thing that would probably have ever happened to me in my life but it was better off this way right? I hope so, I thought as I let the tears fall before closing my eyes and prayed for a nightmare free night, though I doubt it with how guilty I was feeling, knowing I probably broke Gerard along with finally breaking myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I should apologize for the late update. Sorry guys just been super busy lately but my hopes is to update all my other stories if you are reading any of them, though if not what are you waiting for? kidding! kidding but hey feel free to check them out and thank you for being understanding. I'm hoping it wont take me as long next time to update this, anyways let me know what you think.
> 
> Until next time guys.


	13. I Don't Know Why It Took So Long To Get Back Home

If someone asked me how I was doing these past few months I would tell them it’s been a blur to me and only remembering certain days. Like the day I had to explain to the kids that mom was not coming home anymore and that it would just be us, thankfully Miles didn’t take the news that bad though I didn’t know if him being still young helped the issue or not. What hurt the most is when the girls looked at me and begged me not to leave too. I could never leave them, which I told them before hugging them tightly and telling that I loved them very much so did mommy but she needed a break, sadly I don’t think they believe that part.

Though now I think back on it as I check on them now resting it could have gone a lot worse and there could been a lot more tears or screaming even but I was glad that they understood even if it hurt them. I sighed and pulled away going downstairs, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to sleep so I decided to heat up dinner from tonight while I tried to figure out what to do next. Though I couldn’t help as my thoughts went to my dad and the day my mom told me that they were giving him until the end of the year to make it, that there was nothing else they could do for him, that the cancer had spread to much and other medical terms I did not understand, nor did I want to understand them.

That was another bad night but then again there were few bad nights, like tonight was one of them. I thought grimly as I waited for the food to heat up while I stared at the photo of me and the guys, even though I tried hiding it I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Which brought my thoughts to Gerard and how he kept trying to get ahold of me but I ignore all the calls, part of me thankful that he didn’t leave a voicemail then the other part of me hoping that he would at least say something to me. Even if it was to say that he hated me and wish to never see me again because he was tired of the heartbreak then I would be okay with it though it would kill me more on the inside.

I shook myself free from my thoughts and pulled out my leftovers before sitting down on the couch with a heavy sigh before I glance over at my phone hearing it go off. Of course I checked it, worrying that it was my mother that she needed me or that there was news about dad but was surprise to see that it was Mikey that texted me. I started at my phone trying to convince my brain that it wasn’t some dream of mine, that I was wake and that Mikey seemed willing to talk to me again even though I had a feeling that he wanted to chew me out about Gerard, knowing that he had to not handling the cold shoulder.

‘Hey I don’t know if you are awake or not but can we talk? If text is easier but I would like to actually talk to you over the phone,’ the text read before I toke a big breath before calling Mikey and readying myself for the worse. “Hey Mikey look I’m sorry for the shit I caused and know you are pissed at me but I didn’t want to drag Gerard down more with me then I already did. He deserves better than me and if it wasn’t for the kids I honestly would be six feet in the ground. I’m trying to hang on but I can’t with trying to take care of three kids though the girls try to help the best that they can and then I’m trying to help my mom with my dad. Since they don’t think he will make it to the end of the year and no I don’t want to do anything for my birthday either so that isn’t even on my mind right now.” I said all at once without letting him get a word in and it felt nice to get some of those things off my chest.

“Frankie I don’t want anyone but you. Okay? I thought I lost you that night when I read the note and then when you wouldn’t answer me I thought the worse. Thank god for my brother and your mom filling me in or I would have you toke your life though from what it sounds like you’re not doing okay Frankie. I’m not either I would be lying to say I’m okay but I want to make us to work please. Lyn-Z is out of the picture and no I didn’t talk to her, she came to me though she wants to see Bandit here to there so I guess that’s good but I’m not with her anymore. Say something please,” Gerard’s rough voice begged, sounding like he has been chain smoking for days, like he would do in the past and that he’d been crying before he called me.

I looked at my off TV in shock while I tried to figure out what to say. I mean what do I say when I tried to burn the bridges between us and that it didn’t work, that Gerard was giving me what felt like another chance and a small part of me wondered when my chances would run out before Gerard got tired of trying to see that maybe we were meant for each other.

“Frankie are you still there? Come on say something please or I’m coming over, I don’t care if its late. I just need an answer please. If you want me to stop I will if you want us to just be friends then okay I can do that, I just want to know what you are thinking Frankie,” Gerard begged as his voice cracked as I felt my heart crack more along with it. Who was I fouling? I still wanted Gerard even though I was scared about the future and not knowing if this would blow up in our faces, but I was tired of running away. I was tired of trying to hide what I felt and most of all I was tired of hurting both of us, because of me being a big baby about all of this.

“Can you come over,” I asked softly knowing that my voice wasn’t in the best shape either with the lack of talking unless it was to my kids or me waking up shouting in the middle of the night, though thankful that I haven’t woken my kids with my nightmares. “Of course Frankie I will be there soon. It’s the same place right,” he asked while I could faintly hear him getting ready while I glanced down at my ratty PJs before deciding it wasn’t worth getting dress.

“Frankie,” Gerard’s concerned voice broke through my thoughts while I shook my head and toke a calming breath, come on Frank you wanted him to come over now man up. Stop trying to shove him away, the reasonable voice in my head yelled at me. “Ya still the same place though I have been thinking about moving but I don’t know what the kids would think about it. Speaking of kids what about Bandit or is she staying the night somewhere else?” I asked trying to make some small normal conversion to calm my heart.

“She’s spending the night with Uncle Mikey well going too and Mikey says hi, also to stop being an idiot, his words not mine,” Gerard explained with a chuckle while I couldn’t help to smile some at the sound. “Okay well I’ll let you go so you can come over and I know Mikey wants to have his phone back,” I said while I heard Gerard hum in agreement though I couldn’t make myself hang up on him and I guess he felt the same. “Don’t worry Frankie I am coming over I promise,” he said gently before he hanged up on me and I pulled the phone away though I stared at it a long time with a sigh. 

I don’t know how long I sat there before I got myself moving and making myself look decent though I knew that would involve a shower then shaving but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Though I did clean up the house some and myself before forcing myself to sit down while I waited nervously for Gerard to show up but I couldn’t help but worry if he would regret all of this once he say how truly a mess I am right now? No stop it Gerard would never do that to me, he understands what I am going through, he’s been in his lowest of lows before he wouldn’t leave me hanging. Right?

Thankfully I was brought out of my thoughts as I heard a knock at the door and making myself get up, not realizing that I was sitting there so long or maybe Gerard hurried over here to see me? Of course he hurried over here, he’s worried about me and he wants to try again with me. He wants a future with me, well hopefully a small part wished to me as I finally opened the door and looked at Gerard. I wasn’t surprise how bad he look though it wasn’t bad like in the past but it was obvious that he wasn’t sleeping nor eating the as much as he should be.

“You look bad,” we both muttered at the same time and looked at each other in surprise before he tried to give me a small smile that always seem to send my heart racing. “Can I come in Frankie,” he asked softly while I thought about it before nodding and stepping aside, knowing that there was no turning back now.

“Ya, I mean I guess we have a lot to talk about,” I muttered before locking the door behind me and realizing that there was nowhere to run from Gerard, which I couldn’t do my asshole act, which he would see right through it with how empty I felt at the point. “It’s okay Frankie, take your time. I’m here for you and I got nowhere to go,” he said softly as I nodded before moving myself and hugging him tightly. “Can we nap first and then talk,” I asked softly missing the warmth of another person, even more so Gerard’s warmth as I heard him hum in agreement and carefully move us onto the couch, though I could feel myself falling asleep fast, knowing it’s been a long time since I slept well.

“It’s okay Frankie. Sleep I’ll be here for you when you wake,” he whispered softly while I nodded against his head before letting myself fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. If anyone asked me about that night I would tell them it was the first night in a long time that I slept peacefully without any nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry toke so long to update and kind of short chapter but I will try to make the next one longer. Don't worry Gerard and Frank will talk like adults, though let me know what you guys think or what you'd like to see next. Thank you for your love and support.


	14. All I Want Is You, To Want Me

I woke with a start frowning at the empty bed while I sat up and rubbed my eyes, sighing softly. Last night couldn’t have been a dream, right? I asked myself hoping that I wasn’t losing it but before I could call out for Gerard I heard faint beeping coming from the kitchen followed by cursing as I chuckled to myself and going downstairs, thankful that the kids where at my mom’s place or they would be asking why Gerard was here. “Everything okay in there or do I need to call the fire department,” I asked with a tease in my voice watching Gerard trying to wave away the smoke before turning around to face me with a glare but looked like he wasn’t trying to laugh.

“Screw you Frankie it’s not my fault that your oven is evil and hates me,” Gerard said laughing before I went in and over to the oven, turning it off while shaking my head. “You got to show it some love Gee that’s all, you got to remember this thing is older than me and that’s saying something,” I explained while Gerard rolled his eyes at me. “Shut up you, you are not old at all okay,” Gerard said softly while I looked away and bite at my lip, knowing that Gerard was thinking about what has gone on between us the past few years. “I was hoping that we could talk while we ate but I kind of killed breakfast but I could call for takeout and we can talk,” Gerard asked hopefully while I nodded my head but not trusting myself to speak at the moment.

“Unless you’re not ready to talk but I was hoping that we would talk I mean I just want to know why…” Though before Gerard could finish what he was saying I broke in, the words spilling out of me like it broke out of a clogged up waterfall. “Why I pushed you away Gee? Because I was scared honestly okay? I know I said it and it sounds stupid but I was worried that it wouldn’t work out or that you wouldn’t be ready to try because of still being with Lyn-Z at the time. I didn’t know what everyone would say once everyone found out about, I mean what about our kids? What would they think or your parents, last time I check they weren’t that big fan of me. Then I was freaking out over my dad and just,” I trailed off as I tried to catch my breath while I tried not to cry as Gerard pulled me into a tight hug.

“How bad is it with your dad,” Gerard asked softly after a while of us just standing there while he held me close and I let out a heavy sigh, not pulling away from him. “He has cancer well I guess cancers but I zoned out after they said he wouldn’t make it to next year because it was too bad and it wouldn’t stop growing, along with other medical terms that I didn’t understand nor did I want to,” I explained while Gerard rubbed my back, reminding me of all the times I got sick while we were on tour together when MCR was still a band. 

“Do your kids know,” Gerard asked softly while I pulled away some to look at him before looking away with a sigh. “Sort of but no, they know that he is sick and grandma has to go to the hospital a lot to see him but they don’t know how bad it is, I mean what am I supposed to say? Kids I bad news, grandpa is dying and the doctors aren’t even hopeful enough that he will see Thanksgiving with how bad it is and that making it to the end of the year is a hopeful thought,” I said though I was getting choked up about the whole thing.

Thankfully Gerard got it and tugged me back into the hug while he rocked us some, understanding how I felt about my dad. Sure I was piss at the man for leaving my mom and my mom not stopping him but he was the guy that helped me want to me a musician, always telling me that if I wanted that badly I had to work for it, that nothing in life came easy no matter what people told you. 

“God Frankie I’m so sorry, really I am. I don’t know how you are holding up through all of this at all,” Gerard muttered into my hair while I gave a weak laugh. “Well I’m really not honestly I’m barely hanging on Gee, I feel like I’m falling to pieces and part of me doesn’t care then there’s the other that’s yelling at me not to quit, that I need to pull my shit together.” I explained while I felt Gerard nodded his head against me slowly though he pulled away when our stomachs both growled loudly.

“Here I’ll order food and you go get a shower. You look like you need one, no offense Frankie.” Gerard said with a fond smile while I pulled away and rolled my eyes before going upstairs, thankful to have some time to myself to think over what happened or wonder what would happen next. I mean I felt happy having Gerard back in my house and talking to him again, it felt normal to me I thought as I got into the warm shower. Though what would we do if we chose to keep going down this road I mean we couldn’t stay friends for long there is too much emotion between us and something would have to give which I don’t know if that would be a good thing or not. I sighed heavily as I leaned against the wall, letting the water run against me while I tried to wrap my mind around all of this, I mean I was finally getting what I wanted which was to be with Gerard but now I was running scared. Why? I mean why do I worry, people will talk no matter what and I know my mom won’t care, she just wants me to be happy. I know that Gerard’s parents don’t like me much but I figured or hope they wouldn’t care as long as Gee was happy. Now I don’t know how the kids would react, sure they love Gerard to pieces but would they be okay with seeing him as dad or Bandit becoming a part of the family?

I groaned loudly and sunk to the bottom of the shower while I rubbed my head with frustration, “Come on Frank stop overthinking this shit. Things won’t happen that fast I mean right? How am I kidding this is us we are talking about there is nothing slow in our lives right now why would that happen in our relationship.” I spoke out to the running water as it got cold but it gave me no answer back while I sighed heavily but didn’t move from my spot. I wasn’t ready to face Gerard yet though I was there was still this fear that he would change his mind on me again. Though I had to remind myself that this was a more mature Gerard I was dealing with and not Gerard from 2004 that I wanted to throw off a cliff.

I was brought out of my thoughts by a soft knock at the door followed by the concerned voice of Gerard. “Frankie you okay in there? You’ve been in there for a bit.” Gerard called out as I got up and turned off the water before getting out as I grabbed a towel to wrap around myself. “Ya I’m okay Gee, sorry I just got lost in my thoughts about stuff but I’m alright. I’ll be downstairs soon and hey what did you end up ordering,” I asked curiously while I dried myself off faintly hearing him chuckle behind the door. “It’s a surprise so get dress and get your butt down here when you can okay.” He said though before I could answer him back I heard him walking away from the door while I shook my head fondly with a smile forming on my face.

I eventually made my way downstairs to the small of the food and not carrying that I tugged on some of my older clothes, they were comfy besides I doubt Gerard would care. He’s seen me run around butt naked before when we’ve been on tour and crashed at each other’s places. “There you are I got you your favorite. I hope you’re hungry,” Gerard said grinning seeing him sitting in front of my favorite Chinese food place. “You’re amazing I hope you know that,” I stated before sitting down and started eating, glad my appetite was coming back to me though I think Gerard being here was helping a lot with making me feel human again. Which I hope he wouldn't mind coming more over to see me though I didn't know that if we were ready for that next step to move in with each other and to be seen as a couple even though we weren't yet.

“We’ll I’ve been told that but okay Frankie can I say something? You can say whatever you want after I’m done talking but I need to get this off my chest okay?” He asked as he paused to look at me while I nodded my head slowly as I tried to tell my heart to calm down, thinking that this was it. That Gerard wanted nothing to do with me romantically and couldn't be my friend because that wouldn't work with all the feelings going on between us. 

“Okay so we’ve been friends for years and you’ve been there for me when I was at my worst, which I know I have thanked you in the past but still thank you Frankie. If it wasn’t for you and the other guys I would not be here, I know that and so I’m thankful for that until the day I die. So I know I haven’t been the best guy to you, leading you on, cheating on you and lying. Sure I could blame the drugs and everything else in my body but that is not a good reason for the shit I did to you, which I’m so sorry Frankie. I know you forgive me but I will do everything in my power to make you happy and to try to forget about those days. I know you are scared about the future and it with us but I will be there for you. I’m not running away anymore Frankie I want to be there with you and I want to raise your kids, I don’t care if they don’t call me dad but I want to be there for you guys. What I’m trying to say is Frankie I love you and I would love another chance at your heart even though you have gave me so many chances in the past. Frankie will you go out with me?”

I stared at Gerard shocked I mean I figured that he would ask but I didn’t think he would ask so soon and for him to spill his heart out to me. I glanced down while I studied my meal before looking up at him, seeing how nervous he was getting and I knew I needed to give him an answer but it seem liked my voice didn’t want to work at all. I cleared my throat a couple times before talking a deep breath and letting it out. 

“Gerard I…” Though before I could finish my phone was going off and on the screen was a number I thought I would never see again as long as I lived.

Jamia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sorry it toke so long to update but i'm trying to make my chapters longer for you guys. Anyways what do you think? What will Frank do? Say yes or answer the phone? Yes I know I'm evil with cliffhangers but I want your guys thoughts on this one. As always thank you for all the love and support, until next time guys.


	15. I've Always Held My Doubts So Close To My Heart

I stared down at my phone before hitting the ignore button, knowing that I didn’t need to go down that road again, I didn’t need to open up those healing wounds in my heart. I had Gerard sitting right in front of me feeling like I just got another chance at him and I would not give up on it, not even for Jamia even if she said she wanted to confess her undying love to me. I figured if it was really important she would call back but I doubt it, I really did. “Sorry about that but Gee I would love to go out with you.” I said smiling as Gerard’s face broke out into a huge grin and was leaning over kissing my cheek before tugging away. 

“You won’t regret this Frankie I swear. I will do everything in my power to show that you are worth love and I do truly love you. It’s okay you don’t have to say it back, I understand I know you need time still but I will be here when you are ready to say it.” Gerard said softy while I nodded though I really wanted to tell him that I never stopped but my voice didn’t seem to want to work so I figured I would let it slide.

“Thank you Gee I do feel the same about you too. I really do I just can’t say it yet but I’m glad you understand. So what are we going to tell our kids?” I asked softly while Gerard hummed softly in thought while he went back to eating and I did the same. “Well we can either tell them the truth I mean they are old enough to understand or say that we are going to be hanging out more. It’s totally up to you Frankie.” Gerard said while I nodded my head some before sighing as I pushed away my plate not wanting to eat anymore since my stomach was starting to turn because of nerves. 

“I think that we should tell them. I know the girls will figure out what is going on and I think Miles will too even though he isn’t that old enough yet. I doubt Bandit will care I mean right?” I asked checking with Gerard as he nodded his head with a smile. 

“Ya she won’t, she’ll just be happy to have you around again in the house. Though what about your mom? I know I’m not her favorite person after what I put you through and I know she won’t be happy with us dating.” Gerard said softly while I nodded my head before shrugging and getting up to hug him gently. “Then we will have to show her that things have changed and that you make me very happy.” I said softly before tugging away as my phone went off again, sighing thinking it was Jamia again but saw it was my mom.

“Hello?” I asked once I answered while I felt Gerard watching me and glanced over at him, mouthing it was my mom. “Hey Frankie sweetie. I’m sorry but do you think you could come and get your kids? They need me at the hospital to talk to me about things your father and I don’t want to take them with me. You don’t mind right?” She asked while I glanced at Gee but knowing my mom needed me right now and plus it be good to have Gerard around the kids more. “Of course mom I’ll be over to pick them up soon I just need to get dress and I will be right there.” I said into the phone meanwhile I was glad to notice that Gerard had caught on to what was going on and cleaning up our meal for me. God this mean I swear I’m so screwed because I love him so much.

“Okay thank you sweetheart, I will let you know what is going on with your father as soon as I find out okay. Frankie? I ended up telling the kids that pap isn’t doing so well, I’m sorry but I couldn’t keep it from them you know?” She asked while I fought back the sigh that wanted to break free but knowing it was better to tell them then trying to hide them. “Ya its okay mom. Really please don’t worry about it okay? Hey I got to go I’m getting another call coming in. I’ll be there soon. Love you.” I said before hanging up with a heavy sigh meanwhile I felt Gerard gently wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close.

“I feel bad lying to her but sometimes I just need a break from her, don’t get me wrong I love my mom to death. I really do but this thing with my dad has been so…” 

“Draining?” Gerard asked softly while I nodded my head before turning around to hide my chest against his chest, taking in Gerard’s scent always finding it relaxing. “Then the whole thing with Jamia and filling out that stupid paper work since she doesn’t want any part of it so you can see why I feel like I’m losing my mind.” I pointed out while I pulled away from Gerard as he nodded his head before pulling me closer and gently kissing my nose while he rubbed his hand against my back.

“True. Though you are the strongest person that I know of Frankie. You will get through this and I’m here to help you okay? I am not going anywhere, you’ll need to chase me away or move to the other side of the world to get rid of me. We’re in this together now let’s get your kids and tell your mom that I’m going to be around more. Go I’m going to call Mikey and make sure that Bandit is being good for him,” Gerard said smiling as he let me go while I nodded and headed upstairs to change. I couldn’t help but think as I got dress that things were going to get rougher but I had Gerard and everyone else in my life to help anchor me. I’ll be okay.

I finally made it downstairs after getting dressed and taking care of myself to see that Gerard was still waiting for me. I gave him a small smile before grabbing his hand and leading out of the house, while I was stuck in my thoughts. Well the next big thing we would have to face is my mom and telling the kids that we were now together. Sure I was scared out of my mind but it was going to be okay. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry it toke so long to update. So this is kind of a filler chapter? Though also isn't since Gerard and Frank talk about Franks worries some. Anyways let me know what you guys think? I hop everyone is still enjoying and as always thank you for all the love, support you show the story.


	16. Mama

Part of me was thankful that my mother didn’t live that far away from me, but a bigger part of me was dreading the fact that she lived nearby. Since I still didn’t know how she would react to me and Gerard being together now, she would probably be happy for me and glad I’m finally with him. Though I was worried she would chew his ass out for hurting me during the period where we danced around our feelings for each other, but I had to remind myself that it was a good thing that she knew how I felt about Gerard, that it wouldn’t be as hard to tell her about it.

“Frankie it’ll be okay. Please stop worrying it’s not like your mom is going to dishonor you or stop you from seeing your kids, just because you wanted to be with me.” Gerard said trying to joke as he grabbed my had giving it a gentle squeeze, trying to help calm my nerves. I chuckled some before squeezing his hand back and nodded some though letting out a huge sigh.

“Ya I know, it’s still nerve wrecking. God, I feel like I’m sixteen again and telling my mom that I’m bisexual, I should have brought my smokes with me but I know that wouldn’t help my case since my mom wants me to quit.” I said with a soft chuckle while Gerard nodded his head in understanding as he slowed before stopping in front of my mother’s house though neither of us was in a hurry to get out of the car. “Just don’t take anything to heart what my mom says okay? I mean part of me hopes she doesn’t chew you out, but I figured I would warn you since I know how she gets.” I explained as Gerard nodded his head before leaning over and kissing my cheek gently, causing me to relax some.

“I know Frankie but it will be okay. Come on let’s go do this,” he said removing his hand from mine to get out and I did the same, leaning against the car letting out a heavy breath before moving ahead of Gerard, though pausing once I was in front of my mother’s door. I scolded at myself that I was being such a chicken, I mean I was a grown adult for crying out loud. Just do it, I mentally yelled at myself as I nodded on the door and waited for my mother to come answer it, feeling Gerard standing close to me. I gave my mom a small smile as she opened the door though looked over at a Gerard with a surprise look then looking back at me. 

“Frankie, sweetie I’m surprise to see you’re here already though why is Gerard with you,” she asked curiously while she studied me while I let out a soft sigh, though before I could tell her why she stepped aside. “Come in and you can tell me inside, the kids are laying down for their nap so we don’t have to worry about them walking in on our talk. Do you boys want anything,” she asked as she headed to the kitchen while I lead Gerard to the living room, glancing over at Gerard as he shook his head no.

“No mom was good though thank you. So, mom I have something important to tell you and before you get upset please hear us out okay?” I asked after she came back in and sat down, nodding her head slowly while she sipped her tea. “Okay, so after much talking and debate, me and Gerard want to try to date. Mom him and Lyn-Z are working on their divorce papers like mine though he doesn’t have to worry about fighting on keeping Bandit. I know that you are worried about me doing the right thing, but it feels right and I want to be with Gerard. I know it won’t be easy with everything that is going on, but I feel that we have been through part bad stuff already, plus were more grown up now, that we know that we both want this,” I said though near the end my voice started to shake a bit with worry as my mother started to narrow her eyes before she looked at Gerard, setting her tea down.

“You listen to me and you listen well Way. You better not hurt my Frankie again or you will answer to me, you better treat his kids as your own as well and you better for the love of god not jump ship when things get bad. The same goes for you Frankie, no leaving when things go bad and you better not hurt Gerard either, you two have been through enough. Got it?” She paused while we both nodded our heads though I was a little surprised that she turned her rant onto me, but I know she say Gerard a son that she never had. “My main question is what are you two going to do when people find out? You can’t hide it from everyone forever, you both know this right? The world is already buzzing about you divorce Frankie, you know people will say things once they find out you two are dating.” She pointed out while I nodded my head, already knowing that this was going to be an issue for us.

“Mom don’t worry about it. We will handle it and we already have a plan for it,” I easily lied to her not wanting her to have the extra stress. “Plus, you need to go to the hospital to see what’s going on with dad. Me and Gerard will take the kids home so you won’t have to worry about them when you come back okay? Though let me know what’s going on please and tell dad I said hi,” I said watching her get up and move around to grab her things. Though I stood up and pulled her into a gentle hug, knowing that she was struggling with what my dad was going through just as badly as I was, giving her a gentle squeeze.

“I will Frankie and I will let you know what is going on too. Also, I am happy for you two if you were wondering and I’m okay with it. I just want you to be careful Frankie, I know your putting on a brave face, but don’t take on so much alright sweetheart? Now I love you and I will call you later, be good, both of you,” she kissed my cheek as she pulled away and soon leaving the house, leaving me alone with Gerard again though I reminded myself that my kids were sleeping upstairs. I sighed heavily before sitting back down beside Gerard, letting him pull me into a tight hug and letting my eyes close, enjoying the quietness for once though it was broken when my phone started ringing, knowing that it was Jamia without having to look at it since I ignored her earlier.

“Hello,” I asked after I answered it waiting to hear what she had to say to me, though I was praying that she wasn’t going to beg me to take her back because I wasn’t going to, no matter what she had to say.

“Finally, you answer me. I will keep this short and sweet for you. I change my mind and I won’t fight for the kids. I will finish filling out the paper work and have them sent to you. It’s better this way Frank, goodbye.” She said before I heard her hang up and pulled my phone away to look at it in shock. I was not expecting that to happen at all, figuring that she was going to pick a fight with me or beg me to take her back, anything besides what just happened. 

“You okay Frankie? What did she have to say,” Gerard asked softly while I set down my phone and looked up at him, letting myself smile, knowing that this would be a good thing for me even as weird as it may have been. 

“It’s okay Gee, that was Jamia. She’s dropping the fight, she said that I could keep the kids and that she would send what I need to fill out then it would be it. I won’t have to deal with her again and now I can focus on us, along with my family. I’m surprise that she didn’t put up a fight but it is better this way,” I said snuggling close again with a yawn, knowing that I was so far behind on my sleep that it wasn’t funny. I felt Gerard start to gently run his fingers through my hair as I let my eyes fall close, starting to doze off as I heard Gerard faintly humming a song. 

“Rest Frankie, we will worry about everything else later okay? You won’t be facing this alone as long as I am here,” Gerard whispered softly as he noticed I was trying to stay awake. I nodded my head slowly as I gave in, hearing Gerard start to hum again, realizing it was one of my songs, causing myself to smile some before I soon fall asleep to Gerard running his fingers through my hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So sorry it has taken me to update. Life has been crazy but hopefully I will be updating everything again. Though it will be slow thanks to college but I want to say thank you for waiting and I plan to get all my current stories update soon. As for the story next chapter I plan to skip a little ahead with the plot since this was a filler chapter due it being short. I hope you guys like, let me know what you think until next time. 
> 
> -Mcrtomboy


	17. Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is a warning in the notes in the bottom. It's spoiler but figured i should throw in the warning.

Surprisingly things have been going smooth for me and Gerard during the past months, though the first few were not easy. Which it wasn’t more so dealing with the kids, they loved that Gerard was going to be around more and Bandit was happy that I was going to be more around. No it was mostly me and Gerard trying to work past our issues even though we wanted to move things forward. We both knew that we needed to heal and take things slow, which I’m glad for though at the same time I miss us being in bed. I shook my head of those thoughts glancing to make sure the kids were still being good before letting my mind wonder over what else had happened. I was thankful that the fans toke the news well that me and Gerard were together though of course there was the people that shouted that it wasn’t fair to our ex’s. Thank god for the guys, they stood by us the whole time and our families though they were worried about us. Which I understand due to the last few times we tried being together it has blown up in our faces. 

“Guys I’m home,” I heard Gerard called out, pulling me out of my thoughts and chuckled softly when the kids went running over to great him. “Can I put my stuff down before you all attack me,” he asked laughing as I made my way over to the door before leaning against the wall, watching my kids and Bandit trying to climb Gerard like a tree. “A little help here Frankie or are you just going to stand there and laugh at me,” he asked looking over at me fondly which always got my heart going before grinning more at him.

“Come on kids let Gerard set his stuff down and then you can attack him,” I said laughing as they cheered while I made my way to the kitchen, debating on what to make for dinner. I couldn’t help but shake my head at this, feeling so homey feeling, meanwhile a few months ago I felt like my world was falling to pieces. Sure, it wasn’t still great, my dad was slowly getting worse and it was a matter of time until he finally passed, which I felt guilty about. I haven’t been up there much to see him and it felt like every time I was up there; he was having a bad day or sleeping. It was hard to see him in that shape too, looking so thin and weak, it didn’t look like my dad but someone trying to be him. I jumped when I felt my pant leg being tugged and looked down, seeing it was Bandit trying to get my attention.

“Yes sweetheart what can I do for you,” I asked kneeling down to her level, which I couldn’t help but think how big she was growing along with my kids, I remember the first time I got to hold her. She was so tiny I was scared I was going to break her without meaning too and quickly gave her back to Gerard.

“Daddy wants to show off the stuff he got, he said he got you a few things too while he was seeing Uncle Mikey. Come on Frankie,” she said excitedly as she tugged me to the living room, seeing that Gerard had somehow gotten the kids to calm down while I shook my head at the bags he had around him.

 

“Hey don’t give me that look. Some of them are from Mikey and he says hi, he hopes they’ll be able to come visit here next time. Though he was trying to talk me back into moving out to California again,” Gerard explained while I nodded my head and went over to him, giving him a gentle hug, knowing how badly he wanted to be close to Mikey again.

“I know I don’t think I would mind moving out there honestly… Though I want to be here for when my dad does finally past,” I muttered softly, knowing that it could happen any day but was still not ready for it. I felt Gerard nod as he hugged me tighter to him and gently rub my back, trying to comfort me.

“Speaking of which how is your mom holding up,” he asked softly pulling away some so he could look at my face while I shrugged, frowning over the past few months and how she was trying to put on a brave face for everyone around her.

“Okay… I mean nothing much has changed though she is thinking about putting Dad in hospice since she wants him to past peacefully, ya know? Which I understand but at the same time I’m not ready to let go, I keep hoping things will magically change and they will find something that can help him, even though that isn’t possible at all.” I sighed pulling away and tugging him into the living room where the kids were waiting for us. “But even about that, tell me about your trip and show us all the goodies that you brought home for us,” I joked not wanting the kids to know that I was upset or know more about what was going on with their grandfather, I wanted to keep that he was dying from them long as possible. I leaned against the wall as Gerard sat with the kids showing them what he and Mikey got for them, while telling them all the things they did while in California. I laughed softly enjoying the sight of Gerard being with my kids and again I couldn’t believe how smooth things had went over with them, though I figured issues might come up when they were older but for now I would keep it this way.

“Frankie, earth to Frankie,” Gerard called as I blinked a few times before giving him a sheepish smile. “I know you weren’t paying attention but we are at your gifts.”

“Ya Daddy! Gee said he got you something super special,” Cherry shouted in excitement, bouncing a little while I couldn’t help but laugh some and smile more at her.

“Oh really? I wonder what is it then, do I have to close my eyes?” I asked jokingly though I was mostly curious to see what Gerard got for me since he always seem to try and get me something when he left to go see Mikey.”

“What do you guys think? Should he close his eyes?”

“Yes!” They all shouted while Gerard laughed softly, giving me a slight smirk while I rolled my eyes, already knowing that they were already going to say yes to his suggestion.

“Okay, okay I can see when I have been out voted,” I shook my head with a chuckle before closing my eyes and holding out my hands waiting for Gerard to put the surprise in my heads.

“Okay so don’t freak out but I know how much you’ve been dying to go to this and I don’t want to hear you telling me to stop spending money on you, cause we all know that I do not listen well when it comes to these things,” he chuckled as I felt him place a piece of paper in my hand. “And yes, you can open your eyes to read it baby.” He added on as I opened them and looked down, feeling my throat tighten up with emotion, reading the receipt of the tickets that he bought for us for the show up in New York, along with the hotel that we would be staying at for the weekend. “Also, don’t worry about the kids needing to be watched, Mikey knew what I was planning to do and come for a while so he could watch the kids, don’t make that face. He wanted to do it and you know Mikey, once he has something set in his mind there is no way of talking him out of it.” Gerard smiled softly at me while I nodded before setting the paper down and hugging him tightly, letting out a happy laugh even though a few tears leaked free.

“God baby, Gerard. I… Thank you so much. I can’t believe you got me freaking front row tickets to see the freaking Misfits,” causing Gerard to chuckle since he knew I was trying not to swear around the kids, though he knew I was happy about it and still in shock. “I cannot believe this, Gee you shouldn’t have done this for me, really. Thank you so much baby,” I leaned forward and hugged him tightly while he hugged me back.

“Well you better believe it because we are heading up tomorrow. So, you better start packing baby, we going to be gone the whole week,” Gerard grinned as he let me go while I couldn’t help but just stare in shock at him. 

“Babe you better close your mouth you might catch some flies if you keep that up,” he laughs as I leaned forward, shoving him onto the ground while poking at him causing him to laugh. “Frankie please stop I surrender, I give let me up,” he laughed as I poked his tickle spots, grinning though I stopped to lean forward and gently kiss him. I pulled away though when I heard the kids giggling at us as I pulled away to see them watching us.

“You guys hungry? We can make mac and cheese,” Gerard asked as I helped him up though I couldn’t help but smirk some at the slight blush on his face. He rolled his eyes at me as the kids ran into the kitchen to start getting out the things while he leaned close to me, whispering into my ear. “Smirk all you want baby I will get you back once we are in New York and we will see how smug you are then,” he chuckled walking away from me while I tried to ignore the growing arousal in me. 

“Tease,” I grumbled while I followed him to help make lunch for the kids and tried to wrap my mind around the idea that I was going to New York by myself with Gerard to go see the Misfits. I glanced over to watch him helping Miles into his seat, glad that he was willing to help so much with the kids. At that moment, I decided I would make it official and ask Gerard to move in with me along with Bandit, since most of his stuff was here already, also knowing that it was hard for him to be in his old house for too long. I knew that he wanted us to move out to California, share the house together but I wanted it to be official with us living together. “Gerard, I want you and Bandit to move in with me, will you?” I asked not even meaning to ask so soon but the words were out of my mouth before I realize it. I held my breath as he looked up at me with a surprise look, though I relaxed once I saw him grin.

“Yes Frankie, I would love to move with you. What do you say Bandit,” he asked looking over her while she nodded with a grin and jump to run over to hug me, squealing happily while she thanked me. I chuckled softly leaning down to pick her up and hugging her close to me, kissing her head gently with a grin. “Of course, sweetheart no need to thank me, I’m very happy that you and your daddy want to live with us. You are a part of the family from the start,” I said softly glancing over to my kids seeing them nodding in agreement, looking happy too. 

“Now let’s see if the mac and cheese is ready,” I gently put her down though before I could check on the food I got an arm full of Gerard.

“I know you don’t want me to thank you but really thank you baby. Though you beat me to the punch I was going to ask you while we were in New York,” he chuckled while he held me close. “And I was going to suggest that we consider a bigger house, I mean your house is pretty great and all but I would like an art studio. Also, I know that you miss making music and would like to have an area to make music too,” Gerard explained as he pulled away to look me over.

“How the heck could I say no to that Gee? Yes, I would love to do that,” I chuckled leaning forward to kiss him on the nose before pulling away to feed the kids. “We can talk about it more when we are on our way to New York okay,” I said grinning.

“Awe Daddy looks so happy,” Lilly giggled softly looking over at me and Gerard while I shrugged looking down at the food bowl.

“Well he deserves to look happy and to be happy,” Gerard laugh softly leaning over to kiss my cheek while I leaned against him. I hummed lowly and let me eyes close, trying to picture the dream us that we would end up owning in the future, but I was brought out of my day dreams when the phone rang loudly and pulled away to answer it. I watched Gerard, feeling worry build up when he stiffened and frowned looking at me with worry. “Frankie I… it’s for you,” he held the phone out for me and I got up quickly, grabbing the phone from him.

“Hello?”

“Frankie, baby I’m so sorry, I need you hear now. Your dad he passed away. I’m sorry Frankie he’s gone,” she cried as I dropped to the floor and stared at the phone, not believing what I was hearing but I knew it was true. 

My dad was gone....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Frank's dad ends up passing.
> 
> Sorry it toke me so long to update guys. I hope you like it. Just really haven't had much of ideas for this story lately. So if you have any ideas or suggestions let me know. As always thank you for reading along with the love you show for the story. Until next time. -Mcrtomboy


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